Vaping is Legal But Vapes Are Not - Thai Theatre Of The Absurd

Thailand's Vaporizing Hypocrisy: Where Ciggies Get Rights But Vapes Don't

Let me take you on a journey through Thailand's bizarre tobacco landscape, where logic goes to die and your lungs, well, they're confused too.

In the Land of Smiles, cigarettes and vapes are locked in an absurd regulatory death match. Cigarettes, aka cancer sticks or cowboy killers, are perfectly legal to buy, sell, and puff away on. Meanwhile, their potentially less-harmful cousin, the electronic vape, is treated like it's a threat to national security.

Here's the hilarious part: in Thailand, you can legally VAPE. Yes, you read that right! The act of inhaling vapor from an electronic device is technically legal. What's illegal? Selling vapes. Importing vapes. Basically, possessing the very thing you need to do the legal activity. It's like Thailand saying, "Swimming is totally allowed! But water? Absolutely forbidden."

The Thai government has doubled down on this nonsense with enthusiastic crackdowns. Police officers in need of a bonus scan the streets for the telltale cloud of a vape hit. When they spot one, their eyes light up like they've discovered buried treasure. "That'll be 30,000 baht, please!" (That's roughly $850 for the offense of - checks notes - using a device that might be less harmful than the cigarette sold at the corner store.)

Meanwhile, enterprising locals have created an underground vape economy that would make prohibition-era bootleggers proud. Online markets operate in plain sight on social media, using code words about "selling dolls" or "beauty devices" that mysteriously look exactly like Juuls and disposable vapes. The sellers disappear and reappear like digital whack-a-moles as authorities play an endless game of cat and mouse. The same goes for street sellers, but instead of playing real-life cat-and-mouse, they often operate by donating regularly to the local street cops' Widows and Orphans fund.

What happens if you vape and get caught? Or if you're stopped at the airport? Your shiny new vape gets confiscated faster than you can say "but cigarettes cause cancer!" The truly unlucky might face fines up to 30,000 baht or even jail time. All while cigarette smokers walk by, legally puffing away on their government-taxed tobacco products.

The absurdity reaches peak levels when you realize that Thailand is home to some of Asia's most incredible tobacco-control initiatives. The law mandates graphic warning labels on cigarette packs that would make a horror movie director proud. Thailand also enforces strict non-smoking areas, yet simultaneously bans the product that many countries use in their smoking reduction programs.

Tourists arrive blissfully unaware, vape in hand, only to have their vacation savings extracted at the airport or by opportunistic officers on the street. Meanwhile, the convenience store across the road has a fully-stocked cigarette display.

So what's a vaper to do in Thailand? Apparently, develop a taste for traditional cigarettes, or become exceptionally good at hide-and-seek. Or maybe just accept that in Thailand, logic takes a holiday when it comes to vapor versus smoke. Don't be surprised if you see the boys in brown lurking on a vape.

Just remember: in Thailand, the more harmful option is the legal one. It's a strange world where the government would prefer you slowly kill yourself the old-fashioned way rather than try the new-fangled alternative.

Welcome to Thailand, where cigarettes are a right but vapes are a crime. Pack (or bribe) accordingly.