Pattaya - the Favorite Family Destination (For Some)
Pattaya with Kids: Yes, Really.
So you’re thinking about taking the family to Pattaya. Bold move. This place is basically the world’s biggest adult playground: a neon-lit, beer-soaked, ladyboy-filled wonderland where the party never stops (or at least not until the sun comes up and everyone remembers they have responsibilities). But here’s the twist: Pattaya is also weirdly popular with families. Thais, Russians, and Indians all flock here with their kids in tow, proving that either a) they know something you don’t, or b) they’ve given up on shielding their children from reality.
But Why, Though?
Because despite its reputation, Pattaya has a surprising amount of stuff to do that doesn’t involve questionable life choices. The beaches? Not winning any beauty contests (think: brownish sand, murky water, and enough jet skis to make you question marine safety laws). But hey, kids don’t care! Throw them in the ocean with some floaties (water wings for the poms), and they’re happy.
What to Actually Do with Small Humans
1. Water Parks (Because Kids Need to Burn Energy Somehow)
Cartoon Network Amazone – The big one. Slides, wave pools, and characters your kids won’t recognize (because let’s face it, you’re the one who grew up with Johnny Bravo). Overpriced? Sure. Fun? Absolutely.
Ramayana Water Park – A bit further out, but way prettier, with slides that don’t look like they were designed in the '90s. Pro tip: Bring your own towels unless you enjoy paying resort prices for glorified napkins.
Pattaya Park Waterpark – Old-school, slightly run-down, but has a tower slide that will either thrill your child or traumatize them. Bonus: The view from the top is almost worth the panic.
2. Mini Siam
Tiny versions of famous landmarks! Because nothing says “cultural education” like your kid asking why the miniature Eiffel Tower is next to a fake Grand Palace.
3. Sanctuary of Truth
A giant wooden temple still under construction after 40 years. Great for teaching kids the value of commitment (or how to never finish a DIY project). Just ignore the potbellied sexypats with their ever-lying, pint-sized teeraks in tow.
4. Floating Markets
Because what’s more fun than buying overpriced souvenirs from a boat? (Pro tip: Skip the dodgy sushi that's been out in the sun for hours unless you enjoy stomachaches and a never-ending date with the porcelain throne.)
5. Nong Nooch Tropical Garden
Elephants, dinosaurs (yes, really), and enough orchids to make your aunt jealous. A+ for randomness.
Where to Stay (Without Scarring Your Children)
Budget (500-1,500 THB/night) – Guesthouses and cheap hotels near Jomtien Beach. Basic, clean-ish, and far enough from Walking Street that you won’t have to explain what a “ping pong show” is.
Mid-Range (1,500-4,000 THB/night) – Family-friendly resorts with pools, because kids will demand swimming at 7 AM. Centara, Hard Rock (yes, really), and various Russian-owned monstrosities with all-inclusive buffets.
Splurge (4,000+ THB/night) – Fancy places like the InterContinental or Anantara. Because if you’re going to survive this trip, you’ll need a spa.
How to Get There from Bangkok (Without Losing Your Mind)
- Private Taxi (1.5-2 hrs, ~1,200-1,800+ THB) – The easiest way if you have kids. Just pray your driver isn’t auditioning for Fast & Furious: Pattaya Drift.
- Bus (2-2.5 hrs, ~150+ THB) – Cheap and surprisingly comfortable (if you avoid the ones with karaoke). Leaves from Mor Chit or Ekkamai and is sometimes referred to as the Sexypat Express (it's also basically a baldies convention).
- Minivan (2 hrs, ~200+ THB) – Faster, but you’ll be packed in like sardines. Not ideal if your child has a habit of kicking seats.
- Train (4+ hrs, ~30 THB) – Only for masochists and people who enjoy slow, scenic routes with no air conditioning.
Final Verdict
Pattaya with kids? Doable. Fun, even if you lower your standards and embrace the chaos. Just avoid Walking Street after dark (unless you want to have that conversation with your 8-year-old). And remember: Thais, Russians, and Indians are all doing it, so why can’t you? The Thai government even promotes Pattaya as a family destination and the chief of police has guaranteed that there is no funny business (read: paid adult entertainment) whatsoever going on.
Now go forth, enjoy the questionable beaches, scream your lungs out at the water parks, and may the jet ski scammers spare you.
Comments
Post a Comment