Water Wars, Thai style: Not Everyone Loves Songkran

Songkran in Thailand: A Watery Apocalypse & the People Who Secretly Hate It

Ah, Songkran, Thailand’s famous New Year festival where the entire country transforms into a free-for-all water war, and social norms are temporarily suspended in favor of mass hydration assault. But not everyone is out there gleefully chucking buckets at strangers. Let’s talk about the groups who suffer in silence (or not so silently): expats, water-averse tourists and locals who despise Songkran.  

Expats & Tourists During Songkran: A Spectrum of Reactions

1. The Overenthusiastic Newbie 

This is their first Songkran, and they’ve gone full Call of Duty: Water Warfare. They’ve spent 5,000฿ on the biggest Super Soaker they could find, dressed in obnoxious floral shirts, and are now aggressively hunting down victims like it’s their job. By day two, they’re either a) completely sunburned, b) nursing a Chang-over, or c) realizing they’ve lost their wallet in a mosh pit of wet strangers.  

2. The Grumpy Veteran Expat 

They’ve been here for years, and they know what’s coming. They’ve stockpiled food, boarded up their windows, and refuse to leave their apartment for 72 hours. If you message them, “Hey, let’s go out for Songkran!” they’ll reply:  

> “I’d rather lick a motorbike seat than get ice water dumped on me by a drunk 16-year-old.” 

3. The “I’ll Just Go to the Mall” Expat/Tourist

They think they’ve outsmarted the system. "I’ll just stay inside CentralWorld! Safe and dry!" Joke’s on them as some maniac will still find a way to squirt them on their way there.  

4. The “I’m Leaving the Country” Expat

The smartest of them all. They booked a flight to Vietnam weeks ago and are currently sipping a cocktail, smugly watching Instagram stories of their friends getting waterboarded in Silom.

Locals Who Secretly (or Not-So-Secretly) Hate Songkran 

Yes, shockingly, not every Thai person is thrilled about turning their city into a waterlogged battlefield. Here’s who’s suffering:  

1. The Motorbike Commuter

Imagine trying to ride your bike to work while people hurl buckets at you like you’re in a Twilight vampire battle. Helmets fog up, brakes get slippery, and suddenly you’re hydroplaning into a 7-Eleven.  

2. The Shop Owner Who Just Wants a Normal Day

They’ve taped plastic sheets over their storefront, but some drunk farang will still stumble in, dripping everywhere, and ask, “Hey, do you sell waterproof phone pouches?”  

3. The Introvert Who Hates Being Touched  

Songkran is their worst nightmare: strangers smearing chalk paste on their face and dumping water on them while screaming “SAWADEE PEE MAI!!” They’ve locked themselves in their room and are binge-watching Netflix until it’s over.  

4. The Rare Office Worker Who Still Has to Work

While the rest of the country parties, they’re sitting in an air-conditioned office, miserably damp from the walk to the building, listening to the distant screams of water combat outside.  

The Aftermath: A Nation in Recovery  

By the end of Songkran, the streets look like the aftermath of a pool party thrown by feral children. There’s broken water guns everywhere, lost flip-flops, and at least one farang passed out in a gutter after too many buckets (of water *and* alcohol).  

The expats who survived are already planning their escape for next year. The locals who hate it? They’re counting down the days until things go back to normal.  

And yet… against all logic… we’ll all do it again.  

Happy Songkran! Stay dry (lol, as if).