"The Grand Palace is Closed": Hilarious account of a common scam (based on a true story)

How I Got Scammed in Bangkok: The Grand Palace "Closed" Trick (And My $500 "Discount" Suit)

Let me tell you the story of how I, a supposedly intelligent traveler who once successfully assembled IKEA furniture without crying, got completely scammed in Bangkok like a wide-eyed newbie who had never heard of the internet.  

It all started with my grand plan to visit the Grand Palace, because obviously, you can't go to Bangkok without seeing the Emerald Buddha and taking at least 200 photos to prove you were cultured.  

Act 1: The Friendly Stranger Who Definitely Wasn't a Scammer 

As I approached the palace gates, sweating like a snowman in a sauna (because Bangkok heat is no joke), a well-dressed man with a very official-looking badge stopped me.  

Him (in decent English): "Oh no, sorry sir, Grand Palace closed for Buddhist ceremony until 3 PM!"  

Me (squinting suspiciously): "Really? But Google said..."  

Him (cutting me off with a sad head shake): "Google not updated! Very special day. But lucky for you, I can take you on special tuk-tuk tour to other temples—only 50 baht!"  

Now, in hindsight, I should've known something was up when a stranger offered me a 50-baht ($1.50) tuk-tuk ride in a city where a bottle of water costs 20 baht. But my brain, fried by the heat and blinded by his very convincing frown, went: "Wow, what a nice man! He's saving me from standing around for hours!"  

Act 2: The "Quick Stop" at a Tailor Shop

The tuk-tuk driver (who was definitely not in on the scam) took me to a few random temples, which were nice but looked suspiciously empty. Then, suddenly:  

Driver: "Oh! My boss say I get free gas if I bring customer to famous tailor shop. You just look, no buy! Five minutes, okay?"  

Me (oblivious): "Sure, why not?"  

Big mistake.  

The second I stepped in, a salesman materialized out of thin air like a Thai James Bond villain and started measuring me before I could say "pad thai."  

Salesman: "Ah! Perfect timing! Today only—Italian silk suits, normally 50,000 baht, for you… 15,000 baht!"  

Me (laughing nervously): "Oh, I don't need a suit—"  

Salesman (ignoring me): "Special discount for you! 12,000 baht! You will look hansum man in suit, na!"  

Long story short, after 45 minutes of relentless pressure, a fake "limited-time offer," and me panicking like I was on The Price Is Right, I walked out with an order for a "custom-made" suit (which later turned out to be worth about $50) that was delivered to my hotel the next day.

Act 3: The Gem Scam (Because Why Stop at One Scam?)

Just when I thought it was over, the tuk-tuk driver grinned and said:  

Driver: "One more stop! Lucky Buddha day, there's a government-approved gem sale!"  

At this point, I knew it was a scam. But curiosity (and maybe Stockholm syndrome) made me go inside.  

A very serious man in a suit showed me "investment-grade rubies" and explained how I could "resell them for triple in Europe!"  

Me (deadpan): "Ah yes, because nothing says 'smart financial decision' like buying mystery gems from a stranger in a back alley." (I was actually to chicken to say this, but I thought it).

I escaped without buying anything, but not before the salesman looked at me like I had just kicked a puppy.  

The Grand Finale: The Grand Palace Was Never Closed

When I finally made it back to the Grand Palace (after paying the tuk-tuk driver his 50 baht), guess what?  

IT WAS OPEN THE WHOLE TIME.  

The guards gave me a pitying look as I stood there, my soul slightly broken.  

Lessons Learned (So You Don't End Up Like Me)

1. The Grand Palace is rarely closed. Always check official sources.  

2. If a tuk-tuk ride seems too cheap, it's a scam. They get commissions from shady shops.  

3. No, you don't need a "custom suit" in 90% humidity. You'll sweat through it in 10 minutes. You probably don't even need one back home.

4. Gems sold to tourists are never a good deal. Unless you're a geologist, just walk away.  

So yeah, I got scammed. But hey, at least I got a funny story (and a suit I'll probably never wear).  

Moral of the story? In Bangkok, if a stranger tells you something's closed, RUN!  

Have you ever fallen for a tourist scam? Share your shame in the comments!